Friday, June 30, 2006

I'm Still Bitter!

The following are the latest viral images relating to the Australia v Italy World Cup match where the Italians cheated and dived their way through for a narrow win.

Bad Bloke

FIFA's motto "FAIR PLAY".....Yeah Right!

Professional Divers Always Wear Proper Diving Gear

"I'd Like To Thank My Mum, My Dad, My Non-Existent Sense of Fair Play....."

Replace the Term "Pussy" With "Cheat"

Right, I'll Get My Coat.....

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Daylight Robbery

Now that I've had a couple of days to analyse the Australia v Italy match in the World Cup from an unbiased perspective, I can still unequivocally say (in Ozspeak) that "We Woz Robbed!"

Spanish (and possibly visually impaired) referee Luis Medina Cantalejo inexplicably gave a penalty to the diving Italian cheat Fabio Grosso in the dying seconds of the match which effectively handed victory to Italy on a silver platter.

As for Fabio Grosso's controversial actions in the penalty box, although I'm not a qualified Olympic diving expert, to me it looked like a forward somersault belly flop with a half twist, degree of difficulty 3.2. Here are the judges' scores.....

ESP 9.5
ITA 10.0
RUS 10.0
USA 9.5
GBR 9.0
FRA 9.5
KOR 10.0

Almost the perfect dive. I dare say that Fabio Grosso has greatly increased his prospects of representing Italy at Beijing 2008 in both the platform and springboard diving disciplines.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Monday, June 26, 2006

May The Hoff Be With You

According to a survey conducted on a group of 16-24 year-olds in the UK, David Hasselhoff is the entertainment king of cyberspace. More internet searches are made on him than any other male entertainer. He came in ahead of cultural icons such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mr T & Tom Cruise.

This latest poll comes on top of Hasselhoff already appearing in the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Watched TV Star in the World" courtesy of his roles in "Knight Rider" and "Baywatch".

If "The Hoff" (as he is affectionately known) ever gets sick of all the attention, he could always change his name.....

David Hasselhoff: Hey, I feel like changing my name.

His Agent: To what?

David Hasselhoff: From now on, I wish to be known simply as "David Hoff"

His Agent: Okay David. No hassle.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Thursday, June 22, 2006

$100 Burger

100 US dollars could buy you between 50-100 cheeseburgers depending on which country you're in. But at an exclusive Florida resort, it only gets you one.

If you dine at "The Old Homestead Steakhouse" in the "Boca Raton Resort & Club", they have a burger on their menu made from the beef of 3 different nations that will set you back $US100.

The portion of meat in this burger is about 15cm across and 6cm thick. It is made from American prime beef, Japanese wagyu and the best minced steak from Argentina.

Before you can buy the burger, you need to pay the $US40,000 membership fee to join the club which includes a $US3,600 annual fee.

I guess there are some benefits to getting ripped off at this Florida resort and club:

1) You don't have to stand in a long queue waiting to give your order while the people in front of you are ordering takeaway for their whole office.

2) You don't have to wait patiently in line while some annoying kid takes a lifetime picking the toy that comes with their "Happy Meal".

3) The staff member at the club won't annoy you by asking "would you like fries with that?"

4) The person taking your order also won't ask you "would you like to try any of our delicious desserts or apple pies" before you've even had your meal.

5) You'll be less compelled to waste food because if you take out the pickles and have food stuck between your teeth, that's $USD10 you've wasted.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Dirty Cheat

England striker Peter Crouch stands at about 2 metres tall. But sometimes you just need a little bit of extra height.....

Moral of the story: Get a haircut before you play football against cheating Poms.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Thursday, June 15, 2006

How To Offend Blind People

Best known for frequently putting his foot in his mouth, George W. Bush made yet another cringeworthy faux pas at the Rose Gardens press conference yesterday.

The foolish President started to poke fun at a reporter from the "LA Times" quizzing him on whether he was going to ask his question with his "shades" on. He turned to the television cameras and said "For the viewers, there's no sun". An astute observation by his standards.

As it turned out, the reporter was visually impaired and suffered from Stargardt's Disease, an affliction which made him extra sensitive to UV rays. Hence the dark glasses.


The President is due to meet up with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi later this month and go on a trip to "Graceland", the former home of Elvis Presley. Let's hope George "Dubya" doesn't call the Japanese PM or any of his ancestors "war criminals" or something similarly offensive.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Pizza Hut Malaysia Hoax Email

Could everyone please stop forwarding the following hoax email about Pizza Hut?

"Hello everyone. I have some interesting news. I was in Pizza Hut (Sunway Pyramid) yesterday and suddenly my friend showed me the bill. The bill contains normal things la (number of person, bill. number and what is ordered). But, what shocked me is that they had space called "RACE". I guess since we were all wearing tudung, they labelled us as 0, which means MALAY.

Later, when we went to pay...we had no service charge and no tax charge. Still in shock, I peeped into another bill in the counter. In that bill, under the race space, it was labelled as C (which I guess means Chinese). That bill had service and tax charges!!!

I started investigating. One of my Sri Lankan friends was labelled as Indian it seems and she also had to pay service and tax charges a few weeks back. What I'm wondering is that...does anyone know about this? I find it rather strange that they charge service and tax charge using race in Pizza Hut, out of all the places!


Are people really that gullible? This hoax email is certainly raising the brand awareness of Pizza Hut in Malaysia. People might actually decide to visit their local outlet and dine in so that they can check out the contents of their bill, especially the RACE section.

As far as this RACE issue is concerned, this section is recorded for marketing purposes. You may notice it on the bill at other restaurant chains. Furthermore, government tax and service charge is automatically calculated on the cash register. So unfortunately, people can't escape paying these taxes just because they are Malay. If this were the case, maybe Pizza Hut would see an increase in Chinese customers all wearing "tudungs" ;)

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Monday, June 12, 2006

French People

I've been watching the French Open tennis from Roland Garros in the past week. The crowd is probably the worst in terms of how rude, annoying and obnoxious they are when calling out in between and during points.

So why are the French so rude? Perhaps it is due to a chip on their shoulder developed through many decades of military subjugation. After all, they keep getting conquered and have never actually won a proper war. This makes them the butt of many jokes.....

Q. Why are France needed in the fight against Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q. How many people does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The army.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: Why are the French afraid of soap?

A1. Because if they drop it, they're worried the Germans will f*** them again.

A2. They have never seen it before.

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

Q. Why are the French so afraid of war?
A. You would be too if you never won one in your history.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Porn Movie Titles

The following is a list of creative porn titles actually out there in the world of XXX. The titles are obviously based on popular movies. I've never watched any of them. Honest!

In order of funniness.....

10) "Womb Raider" (An intrepid adventurer dives into many caves)

9) "Dude, Where's My Dildo?" (Surely the storyline in the porn version can't possibly be as bad as the original?)

8) "Tits of Fury" (Bruce Lee will be rolling over in his grave)

7) "White Men Can't Hump" (Like the original movie but with slightly smaller balls)

6) "Gangbangs of New York" (The more the merrier)

5) "Throbbin' Hood" (I wonder if the actors bother using English accents. Unlike Kevin Costner.)

4) When Harry Wet Sally (Women and men really can't be friends)

3) "Shaving Ryan's Privates" (Not just about manscaping)

2) "Big Trouble In Little Vagina" (Kurt Russell wishes!)

1) "May The Foreskin Be With You" (Obviously targeting lonely "Star Wars" geeks/nerds)

Right, I'll get my coat.....

Thursday, June 08, 2006

World Cup Fever!

All football fans around the world will be turning their attention eagerly towards Germany for the next month or so to watch the frenetic battle for the FIFA World Cup.

As I haven't had an office job for over 3 years and have all the time in the world, I shall be watching every match of the World Cup with avid interest.

Friends have lamented the fact that they have work commitments which interfere with their planned World Cup viewing. They have playfully labelled me a "jerk"/"bum" for having the means to sit on a couch and watch football for the next month. Working/making money online certainly does have its advantages.

For the record, I reckon France (6th favourite with bookmakers) will surprise many and go on to lift the trophy on July 9th. I'll be happy as long as the "Argies" don't win. They are such girly men.

Right, I'll get my coat.....