Monday, November 27, 2006

Stallone Should Have Stopped At Rocky 4

I can't believe that "Rocky Balboa" aka "Rocky VI" is about to be released in cinemas. Particularly after that uninspiring piece of crap called "Rocky V". Yes, Sylvester Stallone will be donning the boxing gloves and getting back in the ring again. This time to fight the current world heavyweight champion Mason "The Line" Dixon.

The most ridiculous part of the plot is why Mason Dixon, supposedly an awesome athlete at his peak would bother to fight a washed-up Rocky Balboa now well into his 50's. Get this. One of the main resaons is because a computer-generated program said that a Rocky Balboa at his peak would defeat him.

So to prove that the computer program is wrong, he decides to fight an old and out-of-shape Rocky Balboa. Yes, fighting and beating up a pensioner will surely disprove that theory and prove them computer animators wrong!

As an indication of how crap Rocky VI could be, it turns out that Talia Shire who plays Rocky's wife "Adrian", will only appear in flashback scenes. I can only assume that she was so ashamed of Rocky V that she begged Sly not to give her a part in this latest sequel.

Instead her character has died. I think a similar fate awaits this movie. Apparently all the stress of watching her husband getting beaten up and interpreting his slurred, broken English over the years has caused Adrian to die of cancer.

Even Sage Stallone, who played Rocky's son in the previous movie, probably felt so embarrassed that he opted not to reprise the role. The son will now be played by some other unwitting schmuck who surely also will no longer have an acting career after Rocky VI.

From watching the trailer, it looks like the same tired cliches are going to be rehashed, including the meat punching scenes. I'm sure all real-life professional boxers train by punching dead carcasses. Well, it was believable in the 70s anyway.

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Rocky 6 could turn out to be one of the worst dramas or best comedies of the year. Since Britney Spears and Mariah Carey did not make a film in the past 12 months, this Rocky sequel could become the hot favourite for worst film by the time "The Razzie Awards" are handed out.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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