How To Babysit Without Injuring The Kid

I've done a lot of babysitting in my life. Whether it was taking care of my younger brother or some unfortunate toddler who was left alone with us because their parents had a prior gambling engagement. I guess leaving a baby at someone's home is more responsible than say, unattended in the basement car park of a casino. The management at Australian casinos are not fond of that practice.

I've actually been an on and off babysitter for gambling addicts err, I mean, family friends, since I was 12 years old. Therefore, I feel qualified enough to impart some of my babysitting wisdom for the benefit of all you NOOBS out there who have never had to react to the tears and screams of a child.

First of all, a baby's head is not a basketball and you do not play in the NBA. One should use both hands to carry the kid.

Babies are not suitable substitutes for footballs or tennis balls either.....

Babies enjoy playing rubbish games that make you look childish and juvenile but try to indulge them with some tomfoolery that is not too serious in nature.

Make sure the baby is well fed. Avoid sharing your KFC meal with them.

Your arm is better than your tongue when it comes to testing the baby's bottle temperature.

Keep the baby comfortable, warm and dry.

Should you reside in Australia, it's probably a good idea to keep the baby away from wild animals such as dingoes. I once saw Meryl Streep in a film saying that "The dingo stole my baby" so I guess that must be true.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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