Tuesday, June 19, 2007

"Monopoly" Movie

Critically acclaimed movie director Ridley Scott is set to make a motion picture based on the board game "Monopoly". How is that even possible? Apparently Hasbro, the distributors of the game, want to hire young actors for the film so that it encourages young people back to playing board games.

In other words, they want to make more sales of their antiquated product. In order to do this, they are trying to entice Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst into this project. Kirsten Dunst would clearly be winning the 2nd prize of $10 in this beauty contest.

But what type of film are they going to conjure up? Perhaps they could make "Monopoly" a musical and hire Beyonce. She is so versatile. Beyonce can play such an extensive range of characters from "a good singer" to.....ummm.....a "very good" singer.

I suggest that Ridley Scott should reunite with "Gladiator" star Russell Crowe. The seething Antipodean man of action could play the part of the cop who sends people to jail.

I reckon Russell Crowe likes being an angry, tough guy who abuses and roughs people up. I was actually referring to him in real life but I imagine he loves doing it on screen just as much.

"G'day folks. My name is Maximus Angrius Biggus Dickus Headus. I'm gonna have to ask you to GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT bloody PASS GO. DO NOT bloody COLLECT $200. Otherwise I'm gonna throw a phone at ya."

So will the movie be as annoying as the board game? After all, "Monopoly" is such an infuriating and sometimes seemingly endless game. I mean, the pieces just go round and round. It can get so bloody boring. I might as well be watching Formula One.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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