Wimbledon Equal Prize Money

Wimbledon's equal prize money policy is an insult to the men. For the first time in the history of the Wimbledon tennis championships, the gentlemen and ladies winner will each receive the same amount of prize money, a whopping cheque for £700,000. What a joke! The men face tougher competition, play more intense points and battle over the best of 5 sets instead of 3 sets like their unfit female counterparts.

I don't consider myself to be sexist. If I lived in the early 20th century, I would gladly campaign for the right of women to vote and probably stand alongside some of these angry feminists while burning a bra. Mainly because it's a truly evil contraption that's so damn frustrating to unhook. I would draw the line though at using hunger strikes as a form of protest. However, as a testimony to their determination, these brave fighters for women's equal rights even went on hunger strikes to promote their cause. Although their primary motivation was probably to lose weight in order to nab themselves a husband.

I do feel the fight for women's equal rights has gone too far in this instance. Amelie Mauresmo will be over the moon with this latest development. The reigning Wimbledon ladies champion has every chance to get her sweaty, masculine hands on this improved wad of cash. Grass courts tend to favour the big hitters and they don’t get any bigger than this gigantic, muscular Frenchman, oops, I mean.....woman.

Speaking of massive hulks, Serena Williams is always a chance at Grand Slam events due to her great mental strength and playing prowess. Unfortunately she is a bit out of shape this season. I'm not saying she's obese but these days when Serena sits around the house, she really sits AROUND the house.

Maria Sharapova could also grunt her away to another title. Along the way, she'll need to keep her focus with all the male streakers running on court during her matches.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Wimbledon, prize, equal, Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams, Amelie Mauresmo, tennis, champion, bra, court, grand, slam, money

"Monopoly" Movie

Critically acclaimed movie director Ridley Scott is set to make a motion picture based on the board game "Monopoly". How is that even possible? Apparently Hasbro, the distributors of the game, want to hire young actors for the film so that it encourages young people back to playing board games.

In other words, they want to make more sales of their antiquated product. In order to do this, they are trying to entice Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst into this project. Kirsten Dunst would clearly be winning the 2nd prize of $10 in this beauty contest.

But what type of film are they going to conjure up? Perhaps they could make "Monopoly" a musical and hire Beyonce. She is so versatile. Beyonce can play such an extensive range of characters from "a good singer" to.....ummm.....a "very good" singer.

I suggest that Ridley Scott should reunite with "Gladiator" star Russell Crowe. The seething Antipodean man of action could play the part of the cop who sends people to jail.

I reckon Russell Crowe likes being an angry, tough guy who abuses and roughs people up. I was actually referring to him in real life but I imagine he loves doing it on screen just as much.

"G'day folks. My name is Maximus Angrius Biggus Dickus Headus. I'm gonna have to ask you to GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT bloody PASS GO. DO NOT bloody COLLECT $200. Otherwise I'm gonna throw a phone at ya."

So will the movie be as annoying as the board game? After all, "Monopoly" is such an infuriating and sometimes seemingly endless game. I mean, the pieces just go round and round. It can get so bloody boring. I might as well be watching Formula One.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Monopoly, movie, director, Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe, Kirsten Dunst, board, Scarlett Johansson, jail, Hasbro, games, game, Beyonce

Smacked In The Testicles

It's not funny when you're playing sport and you get smacked in the "nuts". However, it's quite hilarious when it happens to someone else. For some strange reason, it can bring about much hearty laughter and guffawing. Although, I do feel quite bad for chuckling at French tennis player Marc Gicquel.

A couple of days ago, his opponent Benjamin Becker fired a 208 kmph serve at him during the ATP tournament in Halle, Germany. Unfortunately for the uncoordinated Frenchman, he was unable to make contact with the tennis ball and it thundered into his "crown jewels" leaving him incapacitated.

After this uncomfortable knock to his "meat and 2 veg", the match got held up for about 10 minutes while medical staff applied ice to his "goolies". Never mind the extreme coldness around your "balls", I would be more uncomfortable about the dude with his hand down the front of your shorts and massaging your "Jatz crackers" in front of a worldwide TV audience.

Luckily for Marc Gicquel, who was now speaking with a higher pitched voice, he was able to continue and eventually won the match against Becker.

Sadly though, he had to retire injured during his next match against Jarkko Nieminen, complaining of illness and vomiting as a result of that painful blow to his "wedding tackle". Maybe he needs to follow the chair umpire's instruction of "NEW BALLS PLEASE".

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:tennis, testicles, injury, Marc Gicquel, Benjamin Becker, nuts, Jarkko Nieminen, balls, Halle, ATP, tournament, Germany