Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Beyonce Is Not An Actress

As if she wasn't embarrassed enough already by her crap acting in "The Pink Panther", Beyonce Knowles is returning to the silver screen yet again to reprise her one-dimensional acting skills.


In her latest pathetic attempt to become an actress, Beyonce will star alongside Eva Longoria, of "Desperate Housewives" fame in a supposedly sexy Victorian drama entitled "Tipping The Velvet". Beyonce and Eva Longoria will actually play the roles of lesbian lovers. Ooooo Errrr. Somebody pass me the fire extinguisher.

For those of you who actually have a life and don't watch "Desperate Housewives", Eva Longoria got her break in that series playing the part of Gabrielle Solis. You know, the materialistic chick who cheats on her husband Carlos with their gardener.

A highly implausible notion but as you know, gardeners on TV tend to look like this.....


And nothing like their real life counterparts who look more like Groundskeeper Willie.....


Anyway, Sofia Coppola is directing this bold film based on Sarah Water's novel about sexual repression. She wants Beyonce and Eva to take the roles of 1890s music hall star, Kitty Butler, and her lesbian lover Nan Astley.

So as you can see, Beyonce is cast as a singer yet again. Now there's the surprise of the century. At least that is something she'll be able to do well during the movie.

This project could end up being like the female version of "Brokeback Mountain", except crap. I suspect the film will have not very talented actors and will receive no critical acclaim. Oh yeah, just like all the other rubbish movies Beyonce has been in.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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