"Monopoly" Movie

Critically acclaimed movie director Ridley Scott is set to make a motion picture based on the board game "Monopoly". How is that even possible? Apparently Hasbro, the distributors of the game, want to hire young actors for the film so that it encourages young people back to playing board games.

In other words, they want to make more sales of their antiquated product. In order to do this, they are trying to entice Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst into this project. Kirsten Dunst would clearly be winning the 2nd prize of $10 in this beauty contest.

But what type of film are they going to conjure up? Perhaps they could make "Monopoly" a musical and hire Beyonce. She is so versatile. Beyonce can play such an extensive range of characters from "a good singer" to.....ummm.....a "very good" singer.

I suggest that Ridley Scott should reunite with "Gladiator" star Russell Crowe. The seething Antipodean man of action could play the part of the cop who sends people to jail.

I reckon Russell Crowe likes being an angry, tough guy who abuses and roughs people up. I was actually referring to him in real life but I imagine he loves doing it on screen just as much.

"G'day folks. My name is Maximus Angrius Biggus Dickus Headus. I'm gonna have to ask you to GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT bloody PASS GO. DO NOT bloody COLLECT $200. Otherwise I'm gonna throw a phone at ya."

So will the movie be as annoying as the board game? After all, "Monopoly" is such an infuriating and sometimes seemingly endless game. I mean, the pieces just go round and round. It can get so bloody boring. I might as well be watching Formula One.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Monopoly, movie, director, Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe, Kirsten Dunst, board, Scarlett Johansson, jail, Hasbro, games, game, Beyonce

Smacked In The Testicles

It's not funny when you're playing sport and you get smacked in the "nuts". However, it's quite hilarious when it happens to someone else. For some strange reason, it can bring about much hearty laughter and guffawing. Although, I do feel quite bad for chuckling at French tennis player Marc Gicquel.

A couple of days ago, his opponent Benjamin Becker fired a 208 kmph serve at him during the ATP tournament in Halle, Germany. Unfortunately for the uncoordinated Frenchman, he was unable to make contact with the tennis ball and it thundered into his "crown jewels" leaving him incapacitated.

After this uncomfortable knock to his "meat and 2 veg", the match got held up for about 10 minutes while medical staff applied ice to his "goolies". Never mind the extreme coldness around your "balls", I would be more uncomfortable about the dude with his hand down the front of your shorts and massaging your "Jatz crackers" in front of a worldwide TV audience.

Luckily for Marc Gicquel, who was now speaking with a higher pitched voice, he was able to continue and eventually won the match against Becker.

Sadly though, he had to retire injured during his next match against Jarkko Nieminen, complaining of illness and vomiting as a result of that painful blow to his "wedding tackle". Maybe he needs to follow the chair umpire's instruction of "NEW BALLS PLEASE".

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:tennis, testicles, injury, Marc Gicquel, Benjamin Becker, nuts, Jarkko Nieminen, balls, Halle, ATP, tournament, Germany

Rubik's Cube World Record

This is a Rubik's Cube. To an average person, it is a 3x3 cubical object consisting of smaller coloured cubes designed by a Hungarian bloke to torment the mentally inept. But to a geek, this object is one of the greatest toys ever invented and a source for endless hours of "fun".

But really, the Rubik's Cube is such a nerd toy. This one time I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror while arranging the pieces of this cube and I looked so nerdy, I felt like beating myself up.

As much as I laugh and deride at this puzzle indulged in by geeks, the ugly truth is that my meagre brain has not been able to solve a Rubik's Cube in the past 23 years since I first came into contact with this bizarre toy. As it stands, I will not feel like a real man until I manage to get one uniform colour concurrently on each of the six sides. That is, without resorting to peeling off the coloured squares and sticking them back on again.

There must be some rare Rubik's Cube-solving gene that I did not inherit from my parents unlike this guy below. His name is Toby Mao. This Amercian chap holds the world record for solving the Rubik's Cube in the fastest recorded time. Look at the hordes of adoring nerds in the background. He must get all the ladies.

He's so cool he doesn't even need to open his eyes when posing for photos. But look at that time on the clock. 10.48 seconds!

Or wait a minute, maybe this guy is closing his eyes for a reason. Maybe he has the same special power as "Hiro Nakamura" from "Heroes".

Yes of course. That's how he does it. He freezes time and then solves the Rubik's Cube before unfreezing time again. The guy is obviously a cheat. How else can you explain him being able to solve this puzzle in 10.48 seconds while other mortals can't do it in over 2 decades?

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Rubik's, cube, Rubik, Toby Mao, world record, puzzle, Hiro Nakamura, Heroes, nerd, geek, time, toy