Simon Cowell Rude Insults

One of the reasons I watch American Idol is for the neverending barrage of insults hurled by Simon Cowell on NOOB contestants. Despite his assertions, the criticism that Simon levels at contestants is not constructive at all.

Simon Cowell is a spiteful excuse for a human being but I guess that's why some people love him so much. He is magnificent to watch when in a fully fledged insulting mood. The putdowns are enough to get me to switch on. Well I'm definitely not watching for his boring sense of fashion and his obvious display of man boobs aka "moobs".

Some of his cliche critiques of contestants to describe their performances include "karaoke", "cabaret", "hotel lounge singer", "ghastly drunk performance at a wedding" and even "cruise ship singer". These are the more tame descriptions.

The more scathing comments include:

"You should sue your singing teacher."

"Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf."

To an androgenous-looking contestant, "Shave off your beard and wear a dress. I think you’d be a great female impersonator."

"I’m tempted to ask if you sang that the night before your wife left you."

"If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."

"You have just invented a new form of torture."

The truth is, this mean act portrayed by Simon Cowell rates very well on TV and long may it continue to entertain us couch potatoes sniggering away at home. The spirit of "Schadenfreude" aka deriving pleasure from viewing the misfortune of others, is well truly and alive on reality TV screens.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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