Friday, July 28, 2006

The Art Of Karaoke

Went out on a karaoke night to celebrate a mate's birthday. The buffet dinner provided at the premises was excellent. The standard of singing was not.

Nevertheless, karaoke is certainly an entertaining activity, particularly with a fun group of friends. When engaging in karaoke, I think there should be a code of conduct or certain etiquette people should adhere to in order to prevent others from groaning and rolling their eyes.

For starters, trying to out-shout each other when there are multiple singers is not clever. It tends to get rather noisy and the singing sounds even more off pitch than normal because no-one can hear themselves. When it comes to volume, a good rule of thumb is: "Less is more".

Do not hog the microphone. It's amusing how people can't resist gripping on firmly to that hard, phallus-like object. Even when they're not singing. Microphones should be made available to all especially if you sound crap anyway. Sharing is caring.

If the microphone is not working, don't continually bash it while mouthing off abuse. Try switching it on. That should do the trick.

Song selection tells others a lot about your musical tastes, level of sophistication and possibly even your sexuality. A varied mix is the suggestion. Playing consecutive songs of "Westlife" or "The Village People" is especially frowned upon.

Alcohol not only makes other people look more attractive, it tends to make people think they are rock stars. As a general guideline, alcohol will not make your singing sound good unless everyone else is more drunk than you.

"The Greatest Love Of All" and "I Will Always Love You" should only be performed by Whitney Houston. Mere mortals who attempt to sing these songs within the confines of a karaoke room where people can't escape, are being intolerably cruel to their friends.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

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