Rubik's Cube New World Record

I have vented my frustration in the past about the ubiquitous and annoying Rubik's Cube. However people just can't seem to get enough of it and continue to break world records on how fast they can solve this absurd puzzle toy. This nerd activity has got its own special name nowadays and is known as "speedcubing". The latest world record holder is Dutch teenager Erik Akkersdijk, who managed to solve the Rubik's Cube in just 7.08 seconds.

Don't let his appearance deceive you. Despite placing a cool pair of shades on his head, the guy really is a nerd by virtue of his startling accomplishment. I am absolutely flabbergasted by his time. How did he manage to remove the stickers on each individual square of the Rubik's Cube and place them back so quickly without tearing them? Begrudgingly, I have to give respect to this nerd because his new 7.08 seconds world benchmark is slightly better than my only recorded completion time of 23 years, 6 months, 13 days and 2 hours.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Rubik's, cube, Rubik, new, world, record, Erik, Akkersdijk, nerd, speedcubing, time, toy

Windows Messenger NOOB

I'm sure the majority of people out there have used Windows Messenger to communicate with their colleagues and mates. I was surprised to find out the other day that there are those who are not aware of the "Nudge" function. Of course, the "Nudge" function is that yellow funny face button on the bottom left hand corner of the Windows Messenger interface.

For the uninitiated, it allows you get the attention of someone you are trying to contact. It can also just be used annoy that person in general by sending them a ringing noise and causing their computer screen to shake.

Anyway, the inexperienced person in question, who shall remain nameless, saw someone's Windows Messenger screen vibrate and in sheer amazement, he inquired "Eh, why your window can shake?"

What a NOOB!

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Windows, Messenger, MSN, nudge, button, yellow, face, button, computer, screen, vibrate, shake, noob, funny, ringing

Diary of Michael Ballack

Samstag/Saturday
Ja! It is so easy, Manchester United comes to the Bridge at Stamford as England's champion and is leaving like a small child covered in tears. In the first half, my header is too strong. One - zero. I drifted into the gap like a fußball ghost and BANG!

Then Riccy Carvalho makes a small error and Wayne Rooney scores. But the crowd are not abusing Riccy, they know he has made a great season. After that arrives the highlight, it is my penalty.

All the paper and TV is asking me after the game, "did you feel the pressure before the spotted kick?" I laugh at their schtupid, small faces. I love pressure, it drives me! And I blast the ball in the goal. Tor! If you fear the pressure you should not be a fußball hero. Remember, when the chips are down on the table, the tough come in the kitchen.

Sonntag/Sunday
Relax day. I went with my childrens, partner Simone and Riccy to Madame Tussaud's house of wax. For some minutes Riccy thought the dummies are real people. He asked me, "Mikey, why is Prince William and Elton John so quiet?" I explain him that they are made of candles.

Dienstag/Tuesday
We are making light trainings before the Liverpool half-final. Just soft stretchings and runnings. I tell Frank Lampard some advices about penalty shooting. Later we watch the other half-final of Manchester and Barcelona. It is a nice match, ja. But I feel sad for Barcelona. They lose to a team I destroyed alone.

Mittwoch/Wednesday
Wow! What a big game. We were made scared by Liverpool, but we have reached Moscow. I knew Lampsy will score his penalty. He made a German-style kick and we were all so proud of him. It is incredible, I am incredible. In 2003/04 Chelsea is in the half-final of Champions League but without Michael Ballack in the team. They lose. In 2004/05 Chelsea is in the half-final without Michael Ballack and they lose. In 2006/07 Chelsea is in the half-final without Michael Ballack (I had big injury) and they lose.

Tonight Chelsea is the half-final of the Champions League with Michael Ballack and they win. Ja! Mit Herr Ballack Chelsea ist die finalist! I am the magic ingredient in this football meal. I am the keystone of the plan scheme. Liverpool is out. As Sir Alan Sugars says on his nice British TV programme, "You are SACKED!" I love The Apprentices Show. But why do they call him Sugar? He isn't sweet. Riccy has some nightmares about Alan Sugar's big, crinkling leather beard face. He tells me in trainings.

Donnerstag/Thursday
My head is banging, we had the party after the game. It finished at 4am in a London discoclub. The DJ was playing up-tempo musics as we were drinking much champagne and blond lager beer. At one point I went to the DJ and asked him to put on some of my favourite songs. But he didn't have David Hasselhoff. He tells me only house music and dancing numbers. I don't care so much. But I know Riccy was upset when he couldn't listen the songs of his preferred rockers Chris De Burgh and Bryan Adams.

Freitag/Friday
Now the games against big clubs are finished until the final in Moscow, I can relax for a while. I want to go to the zoo with Riccy. He loves to see the furry animals.

Montag/Monday
As I am expected, a relax game against one of England's provincial northern sides with vociferous fans, all who wear the black and white tunic. Chelsea was feeling edgy in the first 45 minutes, but I calmed them in part two mit my excellent goal. Didier (we are of course friends, the argument over the free-kick ist forgotten) crossed the ball and I made a glancing head. No player of Newcastle was challenging me. They defended like some classical England's pub team. This is why you don't see England at Euro 2008. Who leaves the captain of Deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft alone in the penalty zone? I punished the Geordie Army!

Now we have one more game to decide the champions. My cash money is on Michael Ballack and Chelsea FC to win the Premier League and dance around covered in smiles and blond lager beer. Then Moscow falls to Michael Ballack and Chelsea FC champions of Europe 2008. The party is waiting. Ja!

I make the next part of my diary after Michael Ballack and Chelsea FC are lifting the UEFA Champions League trophy. I love my life, I am Michael Ballack, a great talent and a hero to the Germans and Londoners.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Michael, Ballack, diary, Chelsea, Euro, 2008, Germany, penalty, goals, Liverpool, Manchester, United, football

Simon Cowell Rude Insults

One of the reasons I watch American Idol is for the neverending barrage of insults hurled by Simon Cowell on NOOB contestants. Despite his assertions, the criticism that Simon levels at contestants is not constructive at all.

Simon Cowell is a spiteful excuse for a human being but I guess that's why some people love him so much. He is magnificent to watch when in a fully fledged insulting mood. The putdowns are enough to get me to switch on. Well I'm definitely not watching for his boring sense of fashion and his obvious display of man boobs aka "moobs".

Some of his cliche critiques of contestants to describe their performances include "karaoke", "cabaret", "hotel lounge singer", "ghastly drunk performance at a wedding" and even "cruise ship singer". These are the more tame descriptions.

The more scathing comments include:

"You should sue your singing teacher."

"Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf."

To an androgenous-looking contestant, "Shave off your beard and wear a dress. I think you’d be a great female impersonator."

"I’m tempted to ask if you sang that the night before your wife left you."

"If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."

"You have just invented a new form of torture."

The truth is, this mean act portrayed by Simon Cowell rates very well on TV and long may it continue to entertain us couch potatoes sniggering away at home. The spirit of "Schadenfreude" aka deriving pleasure from viewing the misfortune of others, is well truly and alive on reality TV screens.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Simon, Cowell, rude, insults, American, Idol, criticisms, contestants, moobs, man, boobs, fashion, singer, mean, TV

How To Babysit Without Injuring The Kid

I've done a lot of babysitting in my life. Whether it was taking care of my younger brother or some unfortunate toddler who was left alone with us because their parents had a prior gambling engagement. I guess leaving a baby at someone's home is more responsible than say, unattended in the basement car park of a casino. The management at Australian casinos are not fond of that practice.

I've actually been an on and off babysitter for gambling addicts err, I mean, family friends, since I was 12 years old. Therefore, I feel qualified enough to impart some of my babysitting wisdom for the benefit of all you NOOBS out there who have never had to react to the tears and screams of a child.

First of all, a baby's head is not a basketball and you do not play in the NBA. One should use both hands to carry the kid.

Babies are not suitable substitutes for footballs or tennis balls either.....

Babies enjoy playing rubbish games that make you look childish and juvenile but try to indulge them with some tomfoolery that is not too serious in nature.

Make sure the baby is well fed. Avoid sharing your KFC meal with them.

Your arm is better than your tongue when it comes to testing the baby's bottle temperature.

Keep the baby comfortable, warm and dry.

Should you reside in Australia, it's probably a good idea to keep the baby away from wild animals such as dingoes. I once saw Meryl Streep in a film saying that "The dingo stole my baby" so I guess that must be true.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:baby, babies, child, care, childcare, games, babysitting, babysitter, feed, play, playing, babysit, kid

David Archuleta Will Win American Idol

Surely David Archuleta is the next American Idol. The women think he's cute and adorable. So do some of the guys at my gym, if you know what I mean? But this little fellow really can sing. David Archuleta also has a number of things going for him that will attract the teeny votes. He is young, likeable, humble, kind of good-looking and he talks with an amusingly funny voice.

As Simon Cowell said on the show, he is "the one to beat". The people in the audience can't stop screaming for him. Disturbingly, you can even hear some of the blokes in the crowd getting more excited than the chicks. Steady on chaps or other Idol hopeful Danny Noriega will get jealous.

An amusing thing about David Archuleta's performances is the big breaths that he inhales before singing each line in a song. It is so distracting to listen to that incessant gasping. The deep breathing is further magnified by the studio micropohones. Really, that gasping for air rubbish has to go.

Nevertheless, the producers of American Idol are pimping up David Archuleta every chance they get on the show in order to get more viewers to vote for their golden boy. I'm sure Ryan Seacrest won't mind either. David is probably the only contestant left that makes Ryan look tall.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:David, Archuleta, Archuletta, Idol, American, singing, vote, Simon, Cowell, win, breathing, breaths, air, Ryan, Seacrest

I Love Nole!

Serbian tennis player Novak Djokovic or "Nole" as he is known to his close friends and relatives, is a modern day sporting legend. Not only is he one of the most talented tennis players in the world, Nole is also the class clown of the ATP. I love the impressions that Novak Djokovic does of fellow tennis players on the men and women's circuit.

It takes a lot of research and comic talent in order to imitate his sporting peers. This skill has made Nole very popular with tennis fans. Although, some people may find his antics on court a bit annoying like when he feigns injury to get some tactical advantage or when he bounces the tennis ball 18 times before each serve. Maybe he should try and conserve some energy for the matches by bouncing the ball say, only 10 or 11 times prior to each serve.

Novak Djokovic is destined to become the world number 1 once Roger Federer goes into decline. The great thing about this is that the best tennis player in the world one day will also have such an amusing personality. In fact, Nole is so funny he should change his surname to Novak JOKERvic.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Nole, Novak, Djokovic, Serbian, tennis, bouncing, Roger, Federer, imitate, funny, video, ball, impressions

Ellen DeGeneres Can't Dance

One of the most cringeworthy television moments one possibly has to endure is watching the opening sequence in the Ellen DeGeneres Show when Ellen starts to dance. Ellen can not help herself. She can not NOT dance. Every bloody show after she does her intro, the music comes on and then she prances around the stage and shimmies into the crowd with her embarrassing dance moves. AAarrrgh! This cringefest is enough to send shivers down my spine while my sphincter muscles tighten up in response to the unbearable scenes.

The bizarre thing is that the crowd absolutely lap it up. There must be something in the alcohol err, I mean, the water, they hand out to the studio audience. Some of these excitable women are just begging for Ellen to gyrate with them and perform her robot dance moves. They're absolutely loving it as they bounce around and dance like idiots along with Ellen. Maybe they think the TV cameras pointed at them aren't real?

Let me say that I don't actually watch the Ellen Degeneres Show on a regular basis. It's just that when you're channel surfing and you come across such a hideous sight as Ellen dancing, you can't bring yourself to change channel. It's like watching a horrible road accident. Let's hope other TV hosts don't get bitten by the "Gotta Dance" bug.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Ellen, DeGeneres, dancing, show, dance, TV, embarrassing, women, television, audience, music, change, channel

Don't You Just Love The French?

They really are ridiculous people. French people try to be so artistic, refined and act so pompous to the rest of the world as if they're better, even though they've never even won a military conflict. The French can be such tryhards especially when it comes to the fashion world.

The recent ATP Paris Masters Series tennis event was marked by some bizarre fashion statement at the awards ceremony. There seemed to be a great abundance of models wearing see-through tops for some reason?!?! They might as well have been topless.

The winner of the tournament David Nalbandian was probably smirking at how ridiculous the models looked while at the same time enjoying the view. There's a time and place for perving at lovely shaped breasts and nipples but surely it isn't during the trophy presentation at a prestigious tennis tournament. What were the French organisers thinking?

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:fashion, French, people, David, Nalbandian, Paris, tennis, Masters, nipples, models, breasts, topless, see-through

Obese People Should Pay For 2 Seats

Have you ever had that feeling? When you're sitting on a plane and then you spot this really obese dude or woman in the distance. They're making their way down the aisle and seemingly in your direction. The reality of the situation sets in. Electrical impulses rush through your spine and head as the overweight monster slowly approaches your row of seats. Small beads of sweat start to break out on your forehead. Oh bugger, they're about to sit down next to you.

A giant woosh of air cascades across the surrounding area as the beast plonks their fat ass down on the seat next to you. You squirm uncomfortably as their extra layers of blubber encroach upon your personal space. You silently curse the ticketing lady who did the seat allocation. Your thoughts turn to despair as you wish you could curl up in a fetal position and wail like a baby because you know the upcoming flight is 8 hours long. But there's not enough to space to do that thanks to the "lunchbox" who is seated next to you.

You want to scream but you're worried that angering the beast next to you may result in oneself being sat on. You start to rationalise. Maybe I'll just keep quiet and hope that when it's meal time, "lunchbox" over there won't demand my meal as well. Then your feelings turn to resentment and anger. Surely the airline should have implemented some sort of "Fat Flyers Program" to prevent all this needless suffering. Of course they could be more tactful and call it a "slow metabolism tax". Either way, airlines should make obese people pay for 2 seats. Skinny people should not have to suffer, dammit!

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:obese, fat, people, 2, seats, pay, more, airlines, overweight, space, plane, sit, seat

Living In Kuala Lumpur

I love living in Malaysia (Truly Asia) but some things really puzzle me about the locals in Kuala Lumpur. My meagre brain is unable to comprehend quite a number of things about the behaviour of certain Malaysians.

During Ramadan, why is it called "fasting" when the people "fasting" are doing everything so slowly? Maybe Ramadan should be a month of "slowing".

Why does the Indian dude taking your order at the "mamak" eatery wiggle his head sideways when you order something as if to say "No" when he really means "Yes"?

Why do the Chinese food vendors charge a higher price than usual if you place your order with them in English instead of Chinese?

How come the punters at Genting casino yell out "PITCHER! PITCHER!" when playing Blackjack? Are they impatiently requesting for another pitcher of beer because they are so thirsty?

Why do people like recording the license plates of motor vehicles involved in accidents and then utilise those numbers for their lottery gambling addiction?

At cinemas, why there is there a dude in one of the prime seats operating some sort of video camera device during the show?

How come motorists that have been pulled over by the police have to hand over money along with their driver's licence? I thought fines are usually paid at some sort of office?

Finally, how come I saw a bloke sprinting very quickly the other day while carrying a ladies handbag before jumping on a passing motorcycle which his mate was driving? Surely he would have been able to run faster to catch up to his mate if he wasn't carrying a handbag?

I know I asked a lot of questions but I am truly confused by all this Malaysian behaviour.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Malaysia, Malaysians, Malaysian, Ramadan, Genting, Chinese, Indian, behaviour, living, KL, Kuala, Lumpur

Britney Spears Disgraceful Advertising

Britney Spears doesn't appear in the media or consumer market enough. In fact, I won't be happy until I'm dancing around in Britney brand clothing doing Britney style dance moves as I watch Britney's latest music video while drinking Britney branded Diet Cola and wearing Britney's latest fragrance. That way, I can really delve into and explore my feminine side. Actually, her latest venture is to release yet another perfume.

This one's called "Believe" because the advertising campaign is trying to convince the hopefully naive public that the picture featured in the advertisement is really what she looks like in 2007. The audience would have to be dumb teeny boppers with no taste in music to buy this idea. Oh wait. Perhaps this advertising campaign does have some merit after all.

My guess is that the image on the right was taken around the year 2000. You know, before she became a joke and before she lowered the world population's average IQ by having 2 kids with tryhard rapper Kevin Federline. Look at that toned washboard stomach in the picture advertising the perfume. Surely this picture was taken long before she got knocked up by K-Fed.

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on the formerly wholesome Miss Spears. Despite all my criticisms about the former queen of teen pop and despite her bald cranium, I must admit.....I still definitely would!

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Britney, Spears, advertising, Kevin Federline, perfume, fragrance, believe, pictures, bald, K-Fed, music, campaign, advertisement

Roger Federer Wimbledon Clothing

Swiss world number 1 tennis player Roger Federer played with style this year to capture his 5th consecutive Wimbledon title equalling the record held by former Swedish player Bjorn Borg. Federer also looked stylish in his traditional white pants and blazer.

However the excitement of beating Rafael Nadal in 5 sets during the Wimbledon final must have got to him. He put his pants on backwards for the presentation when he received his trophy.

Maybe that's the European style for pants these days reserved for celebrities and the sporting elite. Either way, I have to refrain from observing the butts of other men so closely.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Wimbledon, tennis, final, Roger Federer, Bjorn Borg, Rafael Nadal, Roger, Federer, clothing, pants, backwards, blazer

Tiger Woods Baby Daughter Pictures

A hundred years ago, if you saw a bunch of white men chasing after an African-American fellow, it would be a typical night out for the Ku Klux Klan. Nowadays, it's called the U.S. Open. Unfortunately for Tiger Woods, he lost by one shot in this prestigious event the other week. You could probably forgive him for not capturing yet another major title as his model wife Elin Nordegren was about to go into labour with their first child.

As a result of their "hard work", Mrs Tiger Woods has given birth to a baby girl named Sam Alexis Woods.

I can't wait until Sam Woods starts swinging golf clubs and begins making a name for herself on the ladies golf tour. She could be like Michelle Wie except she would actually be good at golf. Sam Woods and Michelle Wie are both currently tied for the number of professional golf tournament wins. Both have won ZERO times.

Wouldn't it be great to have Sam Woods' DNA though? Even if by some freak of nature, Sam Woods turned out to be crap at golf, there would always be a modelling career to fall back on courtesy of her mum's genes.

Or Sam Woods could even persevere with sucking on the golf tour but it wouldn't matter because she would still get paid lucrative sponsorship deals just for looking semi-attractive. Oh, just like Michelle Wie.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Tiger, Woods, baby, Elin Nordegren, Michelle Wie, Sam Woods, daughter, pictures, golf, model, tournament, Sam, Alexis

Wimbledon Equal Prize Money

Wimbledon's equal prize money policy is an insult to the men. For the first time in the history of the Wimbledon tennis championships, the gentlemen and ladies winner will each receive the same amount of prize money, a whopping cheque for £700,000. What a joke! The men face tougher competition, play more intense points and battle over the best of 5 sets instead of 3 sets like their unfit female counterparts.

I don't consider myself to be sexist. If I lived in the early 20th century, I would gladly campaign for the right of women to vote and probably stand alongside some of these angry feminists while burning a bra. Mainly because it's a truly evil contraption that's so damn frustrating to unhook. I would draw the line though at using hunger strikes as a form of protest. However, as a testimony to their determination, these brave fighters for women's equal rights even went on hunger strikes to promote their cause. Although their primary motivation was probably to lose weight in order to nab themselves a husband.

I do feel the fight for women's equal rights has gone too far in this instance. Amelie Mauresmo will be over the moon with this latest development. The reigning Wimbledon ladies champion has every chance to get her sweaty, masculine hands on this improved wad of cash. Grass courts tend to favour the big hitters and they don’t get any bigger than this gigantic, muscular Frenchman, oops, I mean.....woman.

Speaking of massive hulks, Serena Williams is always a chance at Grand Slam events due to her great mental strength and playing prowess. Unfortunately she is a bit out of shape this season. I'm not saying she's obese but these days when Serena sits around the house, she really sits AROUND the house.

Maria Sharapova could also grunt her away to another title. Along the way, she'll need to keep her focus with all the male streakers running on court during her matches.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Wimbledon, prize, equal, Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams, Amelie Mauresmo, tennis, champion, bra, court, grand, slam, money

"Monopoly" Movie

Critically acclaimed movie director Ridley Scott is set to make a motion picture based on the board game "Monopoly". How is that even possible? Apparently Hasbro, the distributors of the game, want to hire young actors for the film so that it encourages young people back to playing board games.

In other words, they want to make more sales of their antiquated product. In order to do this, they are trying to entice Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst into this project. Kirsten Dunst would clearly be winning the 2nd prize of $10 in this beauty contest.

But what type of film are they going to conjure up? Perhaps they could make "Monopoly" a musical and hire Beyonce. She is so versatile. Beyonce can play such an extensive range of characters from "a good singer" to.....ummm.....a "very good" singer.

I suggest that Ridley Scott should reunite with "Gladiator" star Russell Crowe. The seething Antipodean man of action could play the part of the cop who sends people to jail.

I reckon Russell Crowe likes being an angry, tough guy who abuses and roughs people up. I was actually referring to him in real life but I imagine he loves doing it on screen just as much.

"G'day folks. My name is Maximus Angrius Biggus Dickus Headus. I'm gonna have to ask you to GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT bloody PASS GO. DO NOT bloody COLLECT $200. Otherwise I'm gonna throw a phone at ya."

So will the movie be as annoying as the board game? After all, "Monopoly" is such an infuriating and sometimes seemingly endless game. I mean, the pieces just go round and round. It can get so bloody boring. I might as well be watching Formula One.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Monopoly, movie, director, Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe, Kirsten Dunst, board, Scarlett Johansson, jail, Hasbro, games, game, Beyonce

Smacked In The Testicles

It's not funny when you're playing sport and you get smacked in the "nuts". However, it's quite hilarious when it happens to someone else. For some strange reason, it can bring about much hearty laughter and guffawing. Although, I do feel quite bad for chuckling at French tennis player Marc Gicquel.

A couple of days ago, his opponent Benjamin Becker fired a 208 kmph serve at him during the ATP tournament in Halle, Germany. Unfortunately for the uncoordinated Frenchman, he was unable to make contact with the tennis ball and it thundered into his "crown jewels" leaving him incapacitated.

After this uncomfortable knock to his "meat and 2 veg", the match got held up for about 10 minutes while medical staff applied ice to his "goolies". Never mind the extreme coldness around your "balls", I would be more uncomfortable about the dude with his hand down the front of your shorts and massaging your "Jatz crackers" in front of a worldwide TV audience.

Luckily for Marc Gicquel, who was now speaking with a higher pitched voice, he was able to continue and eventually won the match against Becker.

Sadly though, he had to retire injured during his next match against Jarkko Nieminen, complaining of illness and vomiting as a result of that painful blow to his "wedding tackle". Maybe he needs to follow the chair umpire's instruction of "NEW BALLS PLEASE".

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:tennis, testicles, injury, Marc Gicquel, Benjamin Becker, nuts, Jarkko Nieminen, balls, Halle, ATP, tournament, Germany

Rubik's Cube World Record

This is a Rubik's Cube. To an average person, it is a 3x3 cubical object consisting of smaller coloured cubes designed by a Hungarian bloke to torment the mentally inept. But to a geek, this object is one of the greatest toys ever invented and a source for endless hours of "fun".

But really, the Rubik's Cube is such a nerd toy. This one time I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror while arranging the pieces of this cube and I looked so nerdy, I felt like beating myself up.

As much as I laugh and deride at this puzzle indulged in by geeks, the ugly truth is that my meagre brain has not been able to solve a Rubik's Cube in the past 23 years since I first came into contact with this bizarre toy. As it stands, I will not feel like a real man until I manage to get one uniform colour concurrently on each of the six sides. That is, without resorting to peeling off the coloured squares and sticking them back on again.

There must be some rare Rubik's Cube-solving gene that I did not inherit from my parents unlike this guy below. His name is Toby Mao. This Amercian chap holds the world record for solving the Rubik's Cube in the fastest recorded time. Look at the hordes of adoring nerds in the background. He must get all the ladies.

He's so cool he doesn't even need to open his eyes when posing for photos. But look at that time on the clock. 10.48 seconds!

Or wait a minute, maybe this guy is closing his eyes for a reason. Maybe he has the same special power as "Hiro Nakamura" from "Heroes".

Yes of course. That's how he does it. He freezes time and then solves the Rubik's Cube before unfreezing time again. The guy is obviously a cheat. How else can you explain him being able to solve this puzzle in 10.48 seconds while other mortals can't do it in over 2 decades?

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Rubik's, cube, Rubik, Toby Mao, world record, puzzle, Hiro Nakamura, Heroes, nerd, geek, time, toy

Sexiest Bikini Outfits In Film

Not many people can pull off the bikini look. After much exhausting web surfing, I have narrowed it down to my top 5 sexiest bikini outfits in film. Yes, it was really hard work "researching" all of those half-naked pictures.

However, these celebrities certainly deserve much kudos for appearing in movies wearing such skimpy outfits and managing to look good in them.

At number 5 on the list we have Cameron Diaz in this stunning little white number. She had to "pretend" to be a blonde, goofy, airhead, surfer chick in "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle". It was quite a forgettable film with Cameron's outfit being the one redeeming feature.

Number 4 is Halle Berry for her appearance in the James Bond film "Die Another Day". This was her only movie during 2001 & 2002 when she didn't appear topless or naked. Well, it was close enough.

All Star Wars nerds can relate to number 3. This is of course Carrie Fisher wearing her gold metal bikini in "Return of the Jedi" when she becomes Jabba The Hutt's slave. It doesn't make sense that Princess Leia should be dressed in this gold bikini in terms of the storyline but then again neither does the Ewoks defeating well-armed Stormtroopers with sticks and stones later in the film.

Number 2 is Jessica Alba for when she practically spent the whole time in the movie "Into the Blue" wearing a bikini. How awesome was that. I think Jessica should only make films set on tropical beaches or in open water requiring her to swim a lot.

To prove she's not shy in real life either, here she is below showing off her assets at a public beach. As you can see, all the guys just stop in their tracks and stare at her. Well, everyone except that dumbass who's looking in the wrong direction. But then again he's probably checking out one of the male life guards.....

The number 1 position for sexiest bikini outfit in a film was a no-brainer. It clearly goes to Sacha Baron Cohen for this sexy fluorescent green outfit. Someone please tell me where I can buy one of these sexy costumes?

Anyone who has watched "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" would know exactly how studly Borat Sagdiyev was in this outfit. Look at the guy. He's a chick magnet!

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:bikini, outfits, Borat, Carrie Fisher, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Alba, Princess Leia, pictures, topless, naked, James Bond

London 2012 Olympics Sexual Logo

Is it just me or does the new logo for the London 2012 Olympics look kind of erotic?

To the untrained eye, the logo may seem to be 4 numbers that represent the year 2012 but FFS, let's face it, the logo looks like a chick performing fellatio innit? This logo would be suitable if the Olympics were being held in say, Essex, because of all the slappers they have there and perhaps even Swindon because of the high amount of teenage pregnancies there. But this logo is an embarrassment to the great city of London.

Did the planning committee not see the girl bent down on her knees? Maybe I'm just turning into a perverted old man. Oh look.....Now there are many young ladies pleasuring men.

Maybe they should put these images up at Heathrow Airport. New arrivals to the country could point to these pictures and ask "Which way to the prostitutes, please?"

They should have just stuck with something similar to the logo that won them the right to host the Olympic Games in the first place.

Right, I'll get my coat.....

technorati tags:Olympics, London, 2012, sexual, logo, Essex, Olympic Games, fellatio, Swindon, host